The Missing Piece - By: Bhakti Panchal

Therapy became a huge part of me,

It’s a space to go to understand thoughts and emotions,

Yet questions still remain unanswered…

It feels bittersweet to find answers,

It seems challenging,

But it seems more challenging to be in that space without words,

Without thoughts,

Without a plan,

I go in that space when I am breathing and existing,

But I don’t understand why I am breathing and existing.

8 months, exactly 8 months on the dot,

My father passed away without words,

Without emotions,

He left,

He left us with memories,

He left us,

He is free from suffering…

He is free from the pain…

Now, most days, grief is a low-level feeling.

It feels as if a concrete slab is lying across my chest.

Most days, I have learned to smile and to find joy in each moment,

I have also accepted anxiety as my life-long friend as an unexpected side effect of grief.

However, I am blessed with an abundance of love,

I am blessed with people who not only give me love, but also allow me to do the same.

When my father passed away,

Therapy became a part of my life,

At first, it felt like it didn’t belong to me, until it actually did.

In life,

I encounter multiple crossroads,

I make new memories,

I laugh and smile,

While I feel the negative emotions rising up,

I feel anxiety and panic attacks,

I feel a volcano about to blow-up at any moment in me.

It certainly feels painful,

But it feels more painful when your own family and friends don’t understand that.

However, life is too short for me to make others understand that,

It is pointless to explain to the world.

It is pointless to explain that grief is now a journey.

I view grief as an opportunity to break free from the cage,

The cage that caged my emotions,

I am a human, I want to let them out,

And I will.

Today,

I need to move forward in life,

But when my tears stream from my eyes,

It feels as if my eyes are bleeding,

My tears don’t stop.

Today,

I feel like I am just existing,

I am breathing, but I am not living,

That’s how my life feels right now…

Please give a detailed explanation about the meaning and main idea of this poem.

The meaning of the poem is that when I lost my father, it was very difficult time for us, considering the fact that now we have double the responsibilities. Ever since my father passed away, I felt grief, sometimes it would intercept with my learning and everyday activities, which I perceived it negatively. However, now, I perceive grief as a friend that is encouraging me to open up. It is hard to cope with the sudden loss, but I understand that now what has occurred, it has occurred, and that since they moved on with life, we must also move on with life.

Please explain your writing and thought process regarding this poem.

This poem was originally in the form of my emotions, at that time, I felt a mix of emotions. I felt proud of the life that he gave me, but at the same time, I felt anger and sadness due to the fact that my father is no more with us. It was difficult to translate my emotions to words, but I read somewhere that: "Don't wait for yourself to heal, even if you feel anger, sadness, happiness, express those emotions in the form of art." Writing is one of my favourite interests and I view it as a form of art, therefore, I decided to throw my emotions on the paper and decided to re-arrange them in a way that makes sense to the reader.

Why did you choose to write this poem?

I believe "strong" doesn't mean that the individual doesn't cry and is always happy, that is not the case. "Strong" is the individual that has the confidence and courage to let out their emotions even in the most difficult situations. At times, emotions can feel heavy, so it 100% valid to let them out, whether you talk to a guidance counselor, a teacher, a friend, a family member, or anyone whom you trust. It is important to talk to them and to let your heart out, there is no way that you will be burden to anyone. Sometimes questions can remain unanswered, but you will be reassured that there are others that care about you.

Do you have any tips or anything to share with the youth writers who may be reading this? (optional)

For those readers reading this page, one tip I have is that: whatever you do, be honest. Even if it is hard, still do. Just let your heart out.